circles u say
November 9, 2011
aritmētiski loģiskie mezgli pa savam
kāds strāvojums dīvains lidinās
tiem kas klausās tiem trāpām
un katrs no mums mazlietiņ tuvinās
prieks vērot to kam sanāk
dzirkstī acis un miegā kājas neatslābst
ar sažņaugtām dūrēm rīts pienāk
un ar sevi mostas viensprāt
whenever u feel the tide to approach
in the pichy dark night
take your brightest torch
and fight for every particle of light
hey you said. i know isnt that right?
i think its sort of a denial
you glanced with a split of a sight
night is scared of my smile
states
June 7, 2011
states of mind which make myself burn into agony and anger. Despise is all what is left regards her.
nicknames, last conversations, last words which have stuck into my head and make me literally sick.
attitude is what i could not and still can not stand and understand. how can she feel so free, so mind blowing selfish at one stage of her life? of course it will go away for her and me. eventually. but for now i still feel this agony.
it comes out like a spontaneous sigh from lungs deep inside when diaphragm squeezes an pushes out the air. that is something i have not felt before, but not certain yet whether to be thankful for that in future.
this is a disappointment for me in her which comes out with this sigh and i hope with every cough i will make this person go away.
money
June 6, 2011
it all ends up in choices what you make. whether to follow this or pursuit something else. whether to buy this or postpone it for some later day. usually i end up torturing myself in questions if it is really necessary. am i worth the money i spent? could it be somewhat used in more reasonable manner? there have been few times where i have let it go and the feeling is amazing. easily goes away my opportunities of spending best days of so called early life. decisions drive me insane because the perfectionist of mine will always find its way to disapprove irresponsibility and fun.
should have been in another post but here it goes:
either way i have to be as much productive as i can be. this is the bottom line to follow. productiveness comes with the line of motivation and inspiration which apparently is extremely hard to cultivate for me. at this stage.
i need a muse, clear path to follow. or maybe a glimpse of attraction for starting to put the foundation for something longer lasting. all i get is disapproval from perfectionist, nostalgia and envy for people who seemingly have a happier life.
they enjoy themselves. i have to do the best to do the same.
happiness
June 5, 2011
happiness is one of the shiftiest things i know. one day that could be a rude joke you are so fond of, the other moment it is a whole weekend spent making love with a girl you presumably love.
the funny thing is that when you feel happy, in a split of a second you are free of things that worry your mind.
not sure whether it is a different state of mind in both of the cases mentioned here. i could say that for a longer period of time you would get fed up with rude jokes and making love. it is a balance. balance between what you like, adore, love in your life.
with that said i am not even sure whether i feel about it that way now. apparently that was pursuit of gaining self satisfaction in things i think i know about myself.
